As you know, I am at the point in my life where I am drastically changing its direction and forging myself a new path. Which is great. But then I have to start facing all the things that I have to start doing in order to accomplish my goal. By far, the most difficult for me to wrap my mind around is college applications.
I thought that when I did this three years ago that it was a necessary evil that would forever be in my past once I made it through those few months. And yet, here I am filling out all of those little boxes once again and trying to remember when I took the SAT or how long I lived at my old address or what my GPA was. All of these trivial things are all of a sudden important again but have already been vacated from my mind.
And then there’s the personal essay. I am terrible at personal essays or at writing about myself in general. I hate opening up to people and exposing the sensitive parts of me because I am terrified of rejection. And this would be the ultimate rejection. It’s just so much pressure to present yourself in just the perfect way to make these people like you and want to have you in their college. It was hard enough my senior year of college, but now it’s so much worse, because now I have to explain why in the world I want to teach 5 year olds instead of cook in a five star restaurant.
College applications are just full of pressure, judgment, and fear of rejection. None of these things I do very well with anyway.
Today I once again began the search for a college education. Let’s hope this is actually the last time.