, , , , , ,

True happiness seems to be one of the most unattainable things in this world.  We set goals for ourselves, but once reached, they are never quite good enough.  At least that’s now it is for me.  As much as complacency limits our room for growth, I wish that just for once, I could be happy with myself.  Happy with my progress, with my weight, with my accomplishments.  About the only thing I’m happy with is my relationship and I still find ways to screw it up.

I am my own worst critic.  Nothing is ever good enough.  I have been this way as long as I can remember.  Crying myself to sleep because I never really fit in.  I have struggled with an eating disorder for more than a quarter of my life.  I take it personally when my insignificant blog posts get no likes or comments or follows.  I struggle when it comes to putting myself out on a limb with people because I am so used to being abandoned or hurt in some way.

If I could change one thing about myself, it would be to take away my fears and my insecurities.  It would be to allow myself to be the free spirit I try to pretend to be.  I would so much rather be carefree and to just feel truly beautiful for once in my life.  I want to be able to honestly say that I do not care what people think of me.  But as much as I try, it doesn’t seem like that is something that is ever going to change.  I will always be my own worst critic.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

NaBloPoMo badge